Abandonment Issues

Today I want to talk about abandonment issues, specifically for those with Bipolar Disorder.  I myself have had several instances of abandonment that have affected my life, and I wanted to share those experiences with you. 

The first time I was abandoned was by my biological father. I was around 4 when he finally left for good, but I can remember standing outside of my mom’s and mine house waiting for him to show up, telling my mom “No Mom he’ll be here” just to never have him show up.

It wasn’t long after those rainy, dark days that he signed over his rights to me. The funny thing is that I had completely blocked that from my brain somehow because it wasn’t until many years later when grandparents' rights became a thing and my parents were served by my his parents. 

Luckily, they turned out to be really amazing people, but it could’ve been a bad situation. Until that point, if you asked who my dad was (and still to this day) I’d say my step-dad. I consider him my father because he raised me.

I later got to meet my biological father, and it didn’t turn out well. 

Then there are the women. Here I couldn’t really say I was abandoned so much as that I got cheated on and we split up. One girl, we lived together, and she would get rides home from her co-workers, and sometimes she’d “be too tired to drive home so she’d stay on her friend's couch.” I had no idea that she was cheating on me. I was too young and naive to think that was something someone does to someone. She played games with me for a while as far as saying she missed me and wanted me, and then would either cheat again or just brush me off. 

Part of that is my fault for not seeing what was going on, but it still felt shitty.

My ex took my son and left me nothing but a note one time. To be fair, I was drinking a lot at the time, and she just couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t blame her, but at the time it was a heartkiller. 

I could play the victim here and say that it’s because of those moments that led me to become an alcoholic or caused me to act the way that I did. I could say that it’s because of my Bipolar or that these episodes aggravated my disorder, but I choose to look at them as shaping points. Moments in my life that I’ve overcome, and it shows me my tenacity to be better. 

Being abandoned is one of the worst feelings in the world. You feel isolated, less than, and not worthy. In the description below, I’m going to post a few links to some resources about abandonment and bipolar disorder. 

I hope this episode helped a little bit, and you don’t feel like you’re the only one going through these types of situations. 

And remember, You don’t have to sit in the dark alone.

International Bipolar Foundation

https://ibpf.org/abandonment-and-rejection/

PsychCentral:

https://psychcentral.com/health/abandonment-trauma

Healthline:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/abandonment-issues